i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
