We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
