i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
