Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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