Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
