I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
