Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
