well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
