I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
