I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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