He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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