In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
