You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
