I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
