Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
