Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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