so that wasnt chicken after all
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
