tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
