i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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