Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
