I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
