I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
