do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
