Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
