for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
