A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
