Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
