So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
