when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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