Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
