there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
