We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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