I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
