I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
