I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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