You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
