If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
