i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
