Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
