I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
