So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
