I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What a dumb baby whore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
