I smell stomach acid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
