update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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