The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
