I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
