is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
