now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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