The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
