I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
