well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
