I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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