I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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