is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
