So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
