let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
