fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
