At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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