And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
