Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
