: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
