Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
