Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
