So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
