umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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