You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize