I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
