They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
