We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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