my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
