She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
