I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
