My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
